Can Males and Female Be JUST Friends - Thursday Two Questions #47

I have a few life friends. There are more males than females and the reason for that is probably because they try harder to stay in touch, or just a lot less sensitive. I don't think there is any other motive than just my company, because the ones that usually clicked are great conversationalist, the dialog goes on without any effort.

It is hard to have friends when you have a family. Don't you think? I live a pretty hectic life, some things I do because I love how it makes me feel about life and about myself. And some things I do because I have to do it. So to keep up, my friends have to be self-sufficient while I am off doing my stuff, and most males are better at disappearing and giving me time off.

I have to be bloody honest here, but there could be other reasons besides my charms and personality why they still hung around for years. Perhaps it's because they secretly have fantasies about me, or it's because I give them my attention. And for the record, I can see ugliness... and also have a heart for ugly things.

From my perspective the reasons why I have these relationships is because:

Some have the same ambitions as I do. We can trade-off knowledge, and show our encouragement as we venture on our endeavors.
Some are very resourceful and I CAN count on them for help when needed.

They are around for various reasons and I don't need to know exactly what. Otherwise, they wouldn't last a day with someone who has been raised catholic and tries to live by the rights and wrongs according to the world that has never seen HTC EVO Androids. That world is strict and ancient, but I pick and chose what I can tolerate.

Until one day, my guy friend decided to say something that broke the rules and respect of friendship. I get turned off and scared, and decided to place him in a different category. It is at this point I slowly work on less contact, and since the contacts were so infrequent already, I don't even have to worry about why.

Sometimes my technique backfired. The infrequent call happened one day and they didn't get a "Hey, how are you doing, long time no chat..." They kept calling because they are determined to know "how you are really doing?" and still no answer. They freaked out and tracked me down on other social media networks thinking something is wrong with me. And finally, they called me from an unknown number and actually caught me.

That's when I say: "Uh, well, my phone was dead for the last few weeks..." Yes, pretty lame, and I felt guilty for not having the guts to tell them exactly why, but I thought we were so infrequent that they won't even noticed my absence...

Here are Self Sagacity's Thursday Two Questions #47

1) Have you ever become friends (boy or girl) with anyone and totally regretted it?
2) Have you done something that you feel guilty about, but still do it?

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19 Comments

Joanne OlivieriAugust 3, 2011 at 1:48 PM
1. Well yes, but I do think that we learn from our regrets so in that case I try to be positive.

2. Over the years I've done many things which made me feel guilty but even so all I could do is move and and try not to beat myself up about anything.
Icy BCAugust 3, 2011 at 4:01 PM
1) I think I had in the past, and they quickly disappeared.

2) Nope, I don't think I have.
SquirrelQueenAugust 3, 2011 at 5:20 PM
My husband is my very best friend but I've had a lot of guys as friends through the years and most were respectful but once in a while one would try to cross the line. I simple told them I wasn't interested in them except as a friend and nothing more. If they are true friends they will accept this and move on. If not, it's time for them to hit the road.

A time or two but nothing really serious.
ReginaAugust 3, 2011 at 5:44 PM
Many of us have I'm sure- to the first one..sometimes it's hard because we've opened up ourselves? It's not always easy having to explain (probably got the message).
To the 2nd, yes..reminds me of the book of Romans (7) which is really a comfort. (lol) I've often had to learn the hard way-
Stace FarrowAugust 3, 2011 at 6:28 PM
Hmmmm....liked your post. Happen to be in a similar situation and we've been juggling it ever since. Still not sure what to do about him. He's self-destructing. Sad...
UnknownAugust 3, 2011 at 7:12 PM
When I was much much younger I would be in a relationship bu flirt with a few other guys. Mind you, it was only flirting and I would always make sure nothing physical happened. I did regret it. The guilt would eat me up, especially when I divorced my husband and began seeing one of the guys I flirted with. They never trusted me completely - wonder why? I lost a friend and a boyfriend by playing this game.
betchaiAugust 3, 2011 at 7:38 PM
1) I have but so hard to get out from it because we belong to the same circle of friends :(
2) I try hard to think about the question but could not remember any that I feel guilty doing but kept on doing it, so maybe, no :)
GeorgiaAugust 3, 2011 at 8:47 PM
i have finally hit the age where the answer to the first question is Yes, when i was MUCH younger LOL and to the second question? THe answer is chocolate. I eat to much of it and i regret it every time i step on the scale and look in the mirror :0)
Luna MirandaAugust 3, 2011 at 11:43 PM
yes...one guy turned out to be some kind of a stalker, and one girl became too clingy.

i hate feeling guilty..it makes me unhappy. so i make it a point to come clean when i did something i'd be feeling guilty about.
LivingSoAbundantlyAugust 4, 2011 at 5:46 AM
I have become friends with someone, and the friendship did last--clashing personalities. I have learned that there are some people that you get close with, and there are others that are better off as acquaintances--and that's okay! :) Sometimes I overeat, and then I am miserable. Especially when it comes to desserts. I'm working on that, though!
Anne Lyken-GarnerAugust 4, 2011 at 9:25 AM
1. I did when I was younger, when I wasn't really good at choosing friends. I felt I had to be friends because someone liked me. Now I know better.

2. Yes. I have. There will probably always be situations like that.
Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious?August 4, 2011 at 11:41 AM
1) Yes..I think some friends come and go.

2) I'm pretty sure there are some things I've regretted!
Kelly MillerAugust 4, 2011 at 11:47 AM
1) Yes, and I'm trying to extricate myself from something like this now without hurting the other person. Sometimes I wish I was more discerning about new friends.

2) I do it all the time. Guilt is my middle name!
Dominique @Dominique's DeskAugust 4, 2011 at 9:14 PM
1) yes there were a few but we no longer keep in contact so it doesn't bother me.
2) does chocolate count?
Stacy UncorkedAugust 5, 2011 at 3:21 AM
1. Yes, I absolutely have. I have a trusting, giving nature, and unfortunately there are people out there that take advantage of people like me - befriend you, then when they can no longer get what they want/need from you, turn on you. As I've gotten older, I've learned to become more discerning. ;)

2. Being human, I'm sure there are things I've done that I've felt guilty about. ;) But like Luna, I don't like being guilty of anything, so I always come clean if that does happen. :)

Aloha: Family Movie Night
~✽Mumsy✽~August 6, 2011 at 5:05 AM
I don't make friends that easily for some reasons, but the ones I have are the ones to keep. So my answer to both questions are no.
EmmAugust 8, 2011 at 8:11 AM
I totally related to this post on every level! When I was at university, I had many male friends who seemed easy-going, like you say, not making the demands or setting the standards that my girlfriends did.

But then one by one, they either made an inappropriate move or got themselves a girlfriend and claimed they couldn't be my friend any more. Strangely enough, I'm still friends with all of my girlfriends from the time!

Answers to your questions:
1) Not totally regretted it, just felt somewhat sad and used.
2) Yes! Spend too much time on internet and playing Facebook games!
AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 1:24 AM
"I can see ugliness ...but I also have a heart for ugly things." Amazing lines! I can so relate to it.
RaineSeptember 30, 2011 at 10:13 AM
1. Yes, but I don't feel good about it.

2. I feel like I do this daily. But it is because I feel guilty all the time :-\

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